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selenayRead this article this morning thanks to the lovely Fahre and I've been happy-flailing and thinky ever since.
It's not often that a mainstream news site does a thing on gender, gender expression, and related stuff that's actually *good*.
I was particularly delighted to see the discussion of the separation between sex (biology) and gender and how that relates to the idea of gender being on a spectrum. The idea that everyone is either 100% female or 100% male just...doesn't really resonate with me. Or at least, I know too many people who don't fit into that binary system for it to be the right way to think of gender.
Gender as a spectrum with some people right at either end but a lot of people somewhere along the scale? That makes far more sense to me.
The article also touches on the idea of orientation being on a spectrum (Kinsey scale anyone?) which is something that I've been struggling through for years.
As a teen, I thought I was bisexual. Except all the stuff I was reading said "bisexuals are just confused, you're gay or you're straight" and I got all confused.
From my early twenties on, I classed myself as definitely 100% lesbian. Except that doesn't quite fit either.
Now that I'm into my thirties and giving fewer fucks about what other people think of me, I think "bisexual but maybe 80% of my crushes/loves/relationships are women" probably fits best. So, on the girl preferring side of bi but not far enough towards exclusive girl love to be 100% lesbian. Mostly lesbian? Partially bi? Not really easily labelled at all?
As for gender, I'd classify myself as mostly female. Mostly. That works.
It's not often that a mainstream news site does a thing on gender, gender expression, and related stuff that's actually *good*.
I was particularly delighted to see the discussion of the separation between sex (biology) and gender and how that relates to the idea of gender being on a spectrum. The idea that everyone is either 100% female or 100% male just...doesn't really resonate with me. Or at least, I know too many people who don't fit into that binary system for it to be the right way to think of gender.
Gender as a spectrum with some people right at either end but a lot of people somewhere along the scale? That makes far more sense to me.
The article also touches on the idea of orientation being on a spectrum (Kinsey scale anyone?) which is something that I've been struggling through for years.
As a teen, I thought I was bisexual. Except all the stuff I was reading said "bisexuals are just confused, you're gay or you're straight" and I got all confused.
From my early twenties on, I classed myself as definitely 100% lesbian. Except that doesn't quite fit either.
Now that I'm into my thirties and giving fewer fucks about what other people think of me, I think "bisexual but maybe 80% of my crushes/loves/relationships are women" probably fits best. So, on the girl preferring side of bi but not far enough towards exclusive girl love to be 100% lesbian. Mostly lesbian? Partially bi? Not really easily labelled at all?
As for gender, I'd classify myself as mostly female. Mostly. That works.
no subject
Date: 2013-03-18 06:19 pm (UTC)And I also think that it's bad when society imposes biological determination on people--i.e., "being female" = "timid, silly, unintellectual, cowardly" or even "likes to wear pink frilly clothes." Because it's possible for someone to decide that her way of being female includes comfortable shoes and weightlifting. Or that her way of being female includes lifting weights *while* wearing frilly pink clothes.
Dissatisfaction with social codes of femininity is not the same thing as being trans*. There's a difference between "My body has female biological markers and doesn't match my inner self, which is male" (or vice versa) and "People who tell me I'm Doing It Rong about being a woman/being a man can go sit on a tack."
no subject
Date: 2013-03-18 11:04 pm (UTC)I think the bigger problem is that it's been misused in so many ways that people are reluctant to use it now :-(
Dissatisfaction with social codes of femininity is not the same thing as being trans*
Having worked through the process with a good friend who is FtM, I know that. I just don't think there's necessarily a binary gender system in that sense, or at least I don't think everyone fits it perfectly. What Richard O'Brien is doing is great - he's comfortable with where he sits on the scale, with how his body now matches where his mind is, and I'm very happy people are starting to talk about it that way.
no subject
Date: 2013-03-18 07:40 pm (UTC)Sounds like you are a lot more comfortable with yourself :)
no subject
Date: 2013-03-18 11:07 pm (UTC)Oh god, this. I'm comfortable with who I am and what that means for me. But being single doesn't mean I'm actively looking or desperate to hook up. I'm quite happy and comfortable being single and it would need to be someone truly, amazingly special to get me to abandon my happy singleness and give some things up to fit in a relationship.
no subject
Date: 2013-03-19 02:51 pm (UTC)I'm glad you're you and that you're happy with what that means. That's more then most people can say so kudos to you.