Need happy joy stuff

[selenay]

Yesterday was my appointment with Awesome GI Guy. On the one hand, I'm back to having no signs of active disease. However, judging by the fact that I've only been symptom-free-ish for a couple of days, it's not exactly a firm hold on having no active disease.

Even Awesome GI Guy was feeling a bit defeated. He doesn't want to declare me in remission at this stage because we've been here before, several times now, and the inflammation always returns within a couple of months.

That...was very depressing to hear, frankly. Although I knew it, somehow hearing it made it more real.

For now we're continuing with Humira weekly and we'll review again in six weeks to see how I'm doing. It would be nice to think that we've finally kicked this thing into touch for a while but neither of us are holding our breath.

We also had a more serious discussion about where he wants to go next when we have to admit that Humira isn't holding me. We've switched back and forth between Imuran and Remicade but he's coming down firmly in favour of giving Remicade a go when the Humira stops being effective again. It's not my favourite option because it's not something I can administer at home, but the side-effect profile is still better than Imuran.

Although we laughed and joked a bit at the end about my cantankerous, stubborn-ass immune system it was still the most depressing appointment that I've yet had despite being one where there was no sign of active disease.

I think it was the air of "bloody hell, your immune system is a bitch and it's defeating me" that pervaded the session *sigh*


And so I went home and moped and held a great big pity party and did everything except burst into teares on my poor mother. I even jumped down her throat when she offered to help me with my Thursday night chores because it just made me feel like a useless invalid and that? I did not need.

I'll treat her to a pumpkin spice latte after work tonight to apologise for being such a cow yesterday.

The cats worked out that I was in a bad way and spent the evening snuggling me. Both of them at once, despite the fact that they barely tolerate each other's existence right now. When I'm hyperventilating over the cost of Kate's treatment next week, remind me of how awesome they can be, OK?

Today the pity party is over. I'm going to cheer the hell up, get positive again about life and put all the crappy medical stuff to the back of my mind as much as possible.

I'm going to ignore all the depressing news stories, all the depressing fics and I'm not even going to think about trying to finish George R.R. Martin for a while. My little world will be kittens, ridiculous Tumblr gifs, happy fluffy Avengers fic and my stash of DVD boxsets.

If I write, it's going to be the daftest thing that I can possibly come up with.

At least for the next couple of days, anyway :-D

Now I just need the rest of the world to get on board with this plan.

Comments

[nosila]

My coworker spent 22 days in hospital in June, and just came back to work last week, her flare up was so bad. She'd been symptom free for months, after a flare up last year, and one about two years ago. Before that, her last flare up was 15 years ago when she was diagnosed. She's now on remicade. The way she sees it is that while you can't do it yourself, it's only one morning every 6 weeks or so. Which is a lot better than feeling like you have been, right?