On being a geek

[selenay]

When I was a kid, I hated being called a geek. I was small, scrawny and wore horrible NHS specs with thick lenses. It was made fairly obvious to me by other kids that I wasn't the fashionable or popular type of kid and, sadly, there were very few fellow geeks at my school to hang with. I hated the entire geek thing but given the choice I would still choose a good book over a kick-around every time and nothing could stop me loving Doctor Who and Star Trek.

I grew into my teens and still hated the geek label. None of my friends were into the same stuff so I made various unsuccessful attempts to fit in with them. The problem was that I still preferred a good book over anything and when the titles of the books you're hiding in at lunchtime are things like "Demon Lord of Karanda" and "Dragonsdawn" that whole geek thing becomes impossible to argue with. I was a teenaged geek and I hated it.

The thing about being an adult is that labels like 'geek' and 'popular' become less significant. No longer under parental supervision, you can go out there and find other people like you rather than relying on the people who happen to be in the same class as you at school or go to the same (parent approved) youth club.

As a kid and a teenager, I was shy and awkward and geeky. Not socially awkward in the sense of greasy hair, pimples and an unfamiliarity with washing and basic civility, just not very good at holding conversations with people. That whole 'smalltalk' thing never really worked for me and I still struggle with it at times. I've learnt, though, and now I can at least hold conversations with new people and work colleagues that I have nothing in common with. I feel shy inside but everyone expresses surprise when I confess that so I must be doing OK.

I'm still a geek but now I love it. The label means something good to me: it means that I am part of a group that are intelligent, funny, caring and know how to have more fun than any other people that I've met. I get to go to conventions surrounded by fellow geeks and spend all my times talking, laughing and doing tons of things that I find fun. If I'm not into something that other people are into, they talk with so much enthusiasm that I often give it a go (and find that I enjoy it) but nobody minds or makes fun if it's really not my thing. I can go from serious discussions about physics or biology to completely silly discussions about the great love of Captain Jack Harkness for the Doctor's severed hand (no, really, there was a panel on this at a con) and spend an hour laughing so hard my sides hurt.

It's not just about the conventions. I've met various friends through the convention scene and more generally the fan scene who are just as close as the people that I went to school with. Except with them, I get to have the silly conversations and serious conversations and play games and act like a loon without anyone caring. I've even bonded with colleagues over shared the love of Princess Bride, Terry Pratchett and Stargate Atlantis.

Quite frankly, geeks have more fun in every situation. I think it's because, instead of growing more dignified and old inside, we've just applied more complex, adult minds to things that we've loved since children without losing sight of why we loved those things in the first place.

Rather than hating the geek label, I embrace it because of everything that I have received through it. Rather than wanting to be more like my non-geek friends (who don't seem to have much fun a lot of the time) I'm quite happy to be exactly who I always have been.

Oddly, accepting my geek status and embracing the fun associated with it seems to have made me a more confident person. Before I joined the convention scene, I was still very shy and quiet. I didn't socialise with work colleagues at lunch or outside work unless forced, and even then I was usually very quiet, and I didn't make friends easily. Standing up on stage to talk about something, even something I know about? Definitely wouldn't ever happen.

This weekend I will be talking on two panels at a convention in front of a number of people. I will probably talk to lots of people that I've never met before and return home with email addresses and blogs to check as well as catching up with all the friends that I've made at previous cons. I go to lunch every day with a bunch of people at work, a good mixture of people, and it doesn't occur to me to panic about not knowing what to say.

I am still a geek through and through, but I love it.

Comments

[tejas.livejournal.com]

What you said.

I'm fortunate in that I grew up in a geek family. We read the same books and loved the same movies and generally did the same kinds of weird things. I don't know what I would have done without that. Geek wasn't a common thing in that time and place.

Cons are the best! Suddenly you're surrounded by all these people who know how to have fun in the same way and don't think 'weird' is somehow subhuman. Like I tell my kid - "We're weird, but in a good way." :-)

[selenay]

I'm fortunate in that I grew up in a geek family.

My father is the only geek in the family. I blame him entirely for the way that I've turned out! So it often felt like I was the only person who was interested in all that stuff because the only other geek I knew was the tall guy who worked all the time. The good thing to come out of it is that I'm very close to my father and I wouldn't swap that for anything.

Cons are the best!

They really are! You aren't the weird one and it doesn't matter what you're in to, there are people who are either into it as well or want to know about. It's like getting to spend a few days a year in geek heaven :-)

[tejas.livejournal.com]

And even the people who aren't into it respect your right to be into it. The UN could take lessons in live and let live from con-goers. :-)

[selenay]

*g* Absolutely! I love not having to defend myself for being a ficcer or a slasher or preferring one type of SF over another. The UN folks obviously need to spend time in cons to find out how live and let live can really work.

[wadjet-theperv.livejournal.com]

I just printed this out for Rivka, because she feels very much like you did at school and is right now feeling extremely isolated and miserable.

I'm very hopeful it might cheer her up a bit :o)

I'll let you know.

[selenay]

Let me know how Rivka gets on. If what I've written can help at all, then that will make me happy. I do know very well how she's feeling and it's miserable. I can also remember how angry I used to get at adults who assured me that it got better later or that it will seem much less important later.

I'm unhappy now, and you think knowing it will be better in ten years will help??!

It's one of the reasons why I enjoy cons like Eastercon and Redemption: lots of kids around and activities for the kids, meaning that they get to meet each other and find out that they're not alone. It's great to see them having fun and being as geeky as they want because the con is a safe environment.

[wadjet-theperv.livejournal.com]

She stuck it in her scrapbook, she was so impressed. I really think it did help, so thanks honey :o)

I suppose I've always thought of the cons as a way for me to not be Mum for a couple of days, but they're getting prohibitively expensive even for just me.

I'd love to take the girls to the Rift, because they love TW and JM but it's just way too much. I emailed back and told Steve Hibbert as much. It would cost me £240 before I even started. I'd like to take them to some of the cheaper ones though and we've been to a few Collectormania cons. They like those.

[selenay]

I'm glad that it helped her :-) I know that it may not always feel like it, but she really isn't the only one out there! At some stage she will find the rest of her tribe and that will be a wonderful moment for her.

I'd like to take them to some of the cheaper ones though

I can say that the cheaper, fan-run cons that don't have big name guests and are centred around panels, workshops and games are hugely fun. In fact, I much prefer then now over the big Wolf-like cons. Redemption is currently my favourite of those cons by far - the next one is Feb 2009 and worth looking into :-) The big media cons are so drattedly expensive just for the ticket, then there's the hotel and all the extras that you end up buying. As fun as they can be, I no longer feel that they're really worth it when I actually have more fun for less money at the smaller fan-run cons.

[historyterry.livejournal.com]

I really loved this post, so positive and full of love.

And I'm also sad, because, now I don't watch telly, I'm actually slipping away from all those lovely geeks I've grown so fond of in the last few years. We can only bond over the past, not the now. I see you all talking about stuff, and I can't join in. And I'm not close enough to my history geeks to make a love of the past a 'now' thing with them.

I know you're going to have a wonderful, lovely time at the convention, and I really look forward to hearing about it. I just hope I can understand it. Just like I hope you can continue to understand me.

Ach! Maudlin stuff over. I should go and read some bad fic. That'll sort me out.

Txx

[selenay]

I really loved this post, so positive and full of love

Thank you, hon.

I see you all talking about stuff, and I can't join in.

I wish that you didn't feel left out of this stuff :-( It's amazing how much of a difference not having a TV can make. Perhaps I need to send you a big consignment of books for your birthday this year, so that you can join in the book geek-out even if some of the telly stuff isn't possible anymore.

And you should check out the BBC iPlayer - lots of the good BBC stuff, like the new series of Doctor Who when it eventually starts, goes up there as soon as it's broadcast on TV.

Just like I hope you can continue to understand me.

We've got so much starting out in common just by having met through this stuff that I don't think we'll stop understanding each other. I will have to ask for an explanation of some of your work when it goes over my head and I'm happy to explain about the stuff that I'm doing and you're missing. I'm sure that we'll meet in the middle :-)

[nic]

This is wonderfully written and I think almost every geek has the same story. Shy and not knowing where our 'place' was until we discovered other people Just Like Us!

And yes, we DO retain that childlike wonder that so many mundanes tend to lose.

[selenay]

*g* Thank you, sweetie. It was inspired by something that a friend at work said a couple of days ago. We were having a bit of a geek out about Pratchett and he was trying to persuade me to read a funny comic strip and he had this "I love being a geek!" moment. It sort of triggered some thoughts.

And yes, we DO retain that childlike wonder that so many mundanes tend to lose.

You know, I actually feel sorry for them sometimes because the world is so grown up and grey for them. All those years where people pitied and made fun of us for being geeks, but I think they're the ones that have lost something wonderful along the way.

[margec01.livejournal.com]

So absolutely true! I was ecstatic when I first discovered "geeks" like me. That's when I discovered my jokes are often FUNNY--nobody else ever thought so.

I agree with you about the confidence thing. Since other geeks were interested in my opinion, I became more willing to speak up on other occasions. I believe I also learned to express myself better by talking to other geeks, and that made me more polished in more mundane company.

It also helps that, with the advent of computers, etc., geeks really ARE running the world, too! (g)

[selenay]

I believe I also learned to express myself better by talking to other geeks, and that made me more polished in more mundane company.

*nods* It's something that people don't really get when I say what I do in my free time. The image of the uncommunicative, incomprehensible geek is too firmly engrained in the minds of mundanes. I would argue that the reason I express myself well, even when interacting with senior management at work, is because of my involvement with the community. A few years ago I would never have been able to present my ideas like that and now I do it regularly. There are people in my extended family who have a very funny idea about what I do and seem convinced that going to cons just encourages me to withdraw from the world. I would argue the opposite, that it has given me the tools I need to interact with the mundane world in a more polished, useful way.

geeks really ARE running the world, too! (g)

*evil cackle*

[margec01.livejournal.com]

going to cons just encourages me to withdraw from the world

This shows they don't really pay attention or they would know how much it gets you out INTO the world! I've done so much traveling going to cons that I'm literally a world traveler. (Canada, the UK, Australia, etc.). How has that translated to RL? In my job I travel approximately once per month, all over the US. Many people did not want the promotion I got because they didn't want to travel so much. Now, I admit, with the airline security these days, it's not much fun. But it's what I do. Fortunately, I usually don't have to travel on the weekends for work--or I WOULD hate it more.

Also, I sit alone in hotel rooms a lot of evenings--but I look at that as time I FINALLY get to catch up on my reading! (g)

[selenay]

This shows they don't really pay attention or they would know how much it gets you out INTO the world!

I think the problem is that most people don't know much about conventions, geek communities and what happens in them so they don't realise what actually happens. They see the stereotype portrayal of geeks and cons on TV and films and assume that it's a real and literal portrayal. Yes, it is an accurate representation of the extreme end of the fandom but not of the experiences of 95% of fans.

I'm sure that we're not the only fans who have found their fan activities and interactions a benefit to their professional as well as personal lives. In fact, I know we're not.

Fortunately, I usually don't have to travel on the weekends for work--or I WOULD hate it more.

Ack, yes, that would suck totally.

but I look at that as time I FINALLY get to catch up on my reading! (g)

Hee! Yes, that is definitely the way to look at it. Sometimes I wish that I could spend the odd evening locked away in a hotel room to get caught up on my reading. There never seem to be enough hours in the day!