Indecisive girl strikes

[selenay]

Today wasn't wonderful, but it didn't totally suck. Yesterday wasn't great and wasn't terrible. I've lost the fiery, hateful urge that I had on Friday after sitting in traffic for two and a half hours.

I suspect that it's due to half-term.

Just when I need to be thoroughly loathing the commute, the roads are clear and I'm doing the journey home in a little over an hour. The journey there isn't taking much longer.

I may be leaning towards chickening out of the whole quitting on Friday thing. Unless something goes horridly wrong in the next two days, I might be putting off the resignation until next week at least.

I have got that undated resignation letter in my backpack, though, ready to whip out if I'm thoroughly disgusted. I can't believe that I felt so fed-up on Friday after a week of absolute crap and hellish commutes, but now I'm back to feeling neutral again and slightly guilty for thinking about walking out on my colleagues. Darn my sense of fair play :-(

And no Doctor Who content yet. It will appear, I promise, because that was a darned good episode and needs babbling about.

Comments

[riverfox.livejournal.com]

but now I'm back to feeling neutral again and slightly guilty for thinking about walking out on my colleagues. Darn my sense of fair play :-(

Would I be a total shit if I went all psychobabble on you? Saying that the sense of fair play is what the colleagues (mostly, bosses) should be feeling for *You* not the other bloody way around. You first, sugar, their needs second. If you can get along without having the job and take the time to find another, then go. You don't need that bloody stress.

Ahem. ;)

[riverfox.livejournal.com]

PS -- colleagues aren't bosses, but you know what I mean. Where're they when it comes to sticking their necks out for you? So it's your needs above theirs. You're not there to make them feel better. Erm...

[selenay]

*g* You can go psychobabble on me, hon, no problem. I know that some of the problems, where they're walking all over me, has been caused because I let them do it. I try to be too fair to them, I haven't worked out where the lines are between them asking for reasonable things from me and them asking for unreasonable and I'm not good at saying when I think they've gone to far because I'm worried that they'll fire me. Even though that's actually completely unreasonable.

Part of the problem is that Da Boss will ask for something unreasonable, then modify it to make me feel like he's trying to be helpful when he's in fact managed to make me do something that's outside the remit of my job and will still cause me massive inconvenience.

Last week he told me that the departmental director had attempted to request that I get in at 6.30am or 7am to run extra reports each Monday. He then said that he'd managed to get an agreement that this was ridiculous and instead could I get in for 7.30am or possibly a bit earlier? And like a mug I've said yes because at the time it felt like hey, he's actually tried to make sure that it's not insane. But I'm still going to need to leave the house at 6.15am so I now will be getting up at 5am on a Monday. It's hard to say no, though, when it feels like he's negotiated something special for me.

He says that I'll get to leave at 3.30pm rather than 4pm if I do this. I know that he's lying through his teeth - I'll be lucky to get out at 5pm.

I'm still finding it hard to actually get myself angry enough to quit, though.

[riverfox.livejournal.com]

It's hard to say no, though, when it feels like he's negotiated something special for me.

He says that I'll get to leave at 3.30pm rather than 4pm if I do this. I know that he's lying through his teeth - I'll be lucky to get out at 5pm.

Well, imo, your boss was lying through his teeth. He's playing good cop/bad cop. It's highly likely that the early time frame was his idea. That he's being magnanimous about letting you leave early isn't magnanimous at all because you know how late you'll really being staying because that's been the order of things since day one. He's being a patronizing, selfish fuckhead.

I'm still finding it hard to actually get myself angry enough to quit, though.

I think it's hard to dump on people because you're a sweetheart of a person. ;) Sooner or later, however, you'll reach the boiling point. What's going on reminds me of what happened with my former employer, asking us to come in early or stay late, knowing damn well that it would put me off my bus schedule, which took me and hour and a half every morning and afternoon. I miss the paycheck, but I do not miss working for those people.

Since I'm no longer receiving monetary benefits from the state, having been released to work by my doctor, I've been scrambling. But I *finally* have an interview set up, tomorrow. Here's hoping it goes well, and here's hoping you'll get the job you need, too. Btw, haven't heard from Fabi yet. Will remind her to give you a mail. ;)

[selenay]

He's playing good cop/bad cop.

He does seem to be. I know that he's stay later in the office today, but I also know that he'll take that time later in the week by being a little late and taking some longer lunch hours. Today I got in at 7.30, worked until 4.30 without lunch and will still have to work through lunch tomorrow in order to leave thirty minutes early because today's extra won't have counted. That promise to let me go early today if I came in early unsurprisingly didn't materialise *sigh*

Sooner or later, however, you'll reach the boiling point.

It's definitely going to happen. It's already happened, except I had a bank holiday to think about it and calmed down. It's one of my big failings - given a little bit of time, I try to see things from every angle and end up forgiving everyone even if they're being bastards. Hopefully the next time I get that angry it will be the middle of the week and I'll actually have the guts to do something about. For now, I'm stuck being too nice to everyone and feeling guilty for even thinking about leaving.

But I *finally* have an interview set up, tomorrow.

{{{{hugs}}}} Good luck! Let me know how it goes, OK?

[riverfox.livejournal.com]

Two things:

1. Here's hoping you get out of there this week. Good heavens, Sel. You don't need that grief compounding your stress about your health. They're making it worse. Quit. Say sayonara and vamoose. ;)

2. Just got back from the interview. I'll know by Friday. It's only part time, which is a bummer, but probably better for my health for the time being. I'm very nervous. The interview went okay, but I have no idea how I did. I really want the job.