Work things and fandom things: a post

[selenay]

Every now and again, I look at the responsibilities I have and the number of people who come to me looking for guidance or consultation on projects...and I have a momentary freak out. Why do people keep thinking I know stuff? Why do they want my approval before they do things? Why do they think I can fix this?

And then I do it, fixing the things and providing answers and showing people what to do, and I realise...yeah. This has happened because I'm actually pretty good at my job.

In my head, I'm still that scared seventeen year old kid who'll never figure out what she wants, and is about to spend around eight years going down various paths before settling into something. In my head, I don't have eight years of experience in IT and a bunch of successful projects behind me. My headcanon for myself doesn't match reality.

It's a little odd, sometimes. Hopefully I'm not the only person who feels that way :-D

In other news…

I have finally broken ground on my femslashex fic. This is possibly the latest I've ever got before starting an exchange fic, so I'm slightly freaking out, but it'll be fine. It's not going to be a novel, but that's probably a good thing. I'm trying to edit several long fics (two over 40k) and taking on another big fic just before NaNo might break me. It's not the pairing or the POV character I thought that I'd pick when I got my assignment.

I'm actually pretty happy to have picked it, though. Even if it means I'm going for a rarepair within a fandom with a really low femslash percentage.

At some stage, I really need to write a sequel for last year's femslashex fic.

At some stage, I need to write that Jane/Sif role reversal fic I keep getting bunnied for with gifs on Tumblr.

At some stage, I need to work out what will be my Christmas fic.

There are two many 'at some stage' notes in this post :-D

Comments

[paranoidangel]

I feel that way sometimes as well. I remember when I started work and everyone seemed to know what to do and have the answers when people asked. Sometimes I get amazed that I can do that sort of thing too!

[selenay]

It's so scary being the one that people come to for answers. When did I turn into that person?

It's kind of cool, too, because it means we've actually achieved stuff. But still. When did we start being the cool know-stuff people?

[paranoidangel]

I don't know. I'm not sure I'm the cool person at all :) but people do turn to me because I've been there a long time and am quite senior. I'm just very glad I'm not a manager, so I don't have a responsibility to have all the answers. That's too scary.

[cobrabay]

After thirty years in IT and twenty years conrunning I still feel that way much of the time. I'm still waiting for the "Yeah,I rock!" stage to kick in.

[selenay]

Oh god, my new department manager asked if I'd be interested in going to the people manager route when we were discussing where my career is going. Nooooo!

I'd like to be the technical lead on large projects, that's what I'm working towards, but managing the people on the project in an HR sense? That thought terrifies me.

[selenay]

That actually makes me feel much better :-)

[paranoidangel]

Ooh, no, that is really scary. I was asked once if I wanted to line manage some new people and I really didn't. I could have been manager of my old department or my new one, with the manager leaving and me being next most senior, but just looking after it while they were away was bad enough!

[selenay]

I plan to do everything in my power to avoid managing people ever. My manager thought promising me loads of training to deal with it would make me want to manage people after all.

Noooooooo.

Pretty sure that the people who manage people just don't get the idea of not wanting to manage people. Like, they're doing it so obviously they've survived and therefore if they can do it, they don't get why anyone would be petrified of the idea. Ugh.

[paranoidangel]

Oooh no. My work have at least worked out that not everyone wants to manage people. It's one of the things where you could screw up really badly. And give yourself more work. Not to mention twice the number of appraisals - I hate doing mine, never mind having to do someone else's.

[selenay]

Ugh, appraisals are the worst. Doing more than mine would kill me.

It's the HR side of people managing that I really don't like. Plus the possibility to utterly screw someone up. Some of my bad managers have made me go home crying (or throwing things due to sheer fury) and I don't want to do that to someone else.

[paranoidangel]

I don't think I'd make someone go home crying, I think I'd just be crap, my line managee would get nowhere and end up hating me.