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Argh, my brain
I've been having a bit of a week. My computer played silly buggers on Wednesday and I've been nervous about turning it on ever since. And having anxiety moments every time I think about it, even though it's irrational to the extreme because the world isn't over if I have to replace my computer a bit earlier than planned.
Deadlines are approaching at work and things we thought would be easy to achieve are turning out to be epically not easy and in some cases require extensive work-arounds in order to get things working. So, you know, more anxiety.
On top of that, I am starting to think that my remission status only lasted two weeks. I won't go into details, but since the middle of last week there have been strong hints that I'm getting sick again.
I keep promising myself that I'll call Awesome GI Guy tomorrow if things don't improve. And then promising the same thing tomorrow and on and on. Mostly I just don't want to admit that Humira may not be holding me in remission. I'm so sick of hospitals, tests, needles, drugs, side-effects and everything else. I'm done. I don't want to talk about it to friends or family IRL because it will just worry them and I know that burying my head in the sand is not helpful but I just wanted a few weeks of being OK :-(
I wish that I could forget all of this and go into the weekend feeling calm, but the computer issues and possible flare are both things that will be rearing their heads over the weekend and I'm not good at forgetting about work.
I'd been doing so well at not being anxious and this week has just thrown me. My head is a bad place.
Deadlines are approaching at work and things we thought would be easy to achieve are turning out to be epically not easy and in some cases require extensive work-arounds in order to get things working. So, you know, more anxiety.
On top of that, I am starting to think that my remission status only lasted two weeks. I won't go into details, but since the middle of last week there have been strong hints that I'm getting sick again.
I keep promising myself that I'll call Awesome GI Guy tomorrow if things don't improve. And then promising the same thing tomorrow and on and on. Mostly I just don't want to admit that Humira may not be holding me in remission. I'm so sick of hospitals, tests, needles, drugs, side-effects and everything else. I'm done. I don't want to talk about it to friends or family IRL because it will just worry them and I know that burying my head in the sand is not helpful but I just wanted a few weeks of being OK :-(
I wish that I could forget all of this and go into the weekend feeling calm, but the computer issues and possible flare are both things that will be rearing their heads over the weekend and I'm not good at forgetting about work.
I'd been doing so well at not being anxious and this week has just thrown me. My head is a bad place.